Tuesday, August 5, 2008

An Early Reviewers Rant

A Terrifying Tale of a New On-Line Marketing Manager Fiasco - or "How I Learned to Hold My Temper and Save My breath at the Same Time..."by The Deranged Book-a-Holic

Pull up a comfy chair, the beverage of your choice and grab a cigarette, I know I will be partaking.
I going to relate to you this horrific saga of books ordered and books never sent, e-mails ignored and what happens to my hair when uber frustrated. Sit back relax and remember to breathhhhhhhh.

Once upon a time, dear readers, there was a little book and chat forum called Book & Chat. You may have heard about them. They were lovingly run and cared for by the most beauteous Dianne, the self - proclaimed Book Goddess.
At one time, Dianne was approached by the Friendly Giantess known as Carper Hollins,(name of Giantess changed so my lawyer won't stroke out) Online Marketing Manager. The Giantess had been sent a review that the fair Goddess Dianne had done in praise of one of the Giantesses authors. The Giantess decided that she liked the Books & Chat forum and the fact that there would be so many people willing to read so many books and post reviews in so many different places. AND IT WAS ALL GOOD.

Then a terrible and horrible thing happened...the lovely Giantess was promoted...and another took her place. An Ogre who (will remain un-named due to my lawyer being a pain in the ass about things like this.) This vile, thoughtless , e-mail not replying Ogre, knew not his job.

Dianne gave him time to settle in and to learn his job *roll eyes here since, if he got promoted he should have already known what the job entailed*...time went by. Then more time went by... The Ogre seemed to have an aversion to e-mail, Dianne would send him her selections the Ogre would not acknowledge the list. Dianne would wait in her chamber with her nose pressed against the window awaiting the handsome Be-Knighted Sir UPS man. Alas, package failed to arrive in a timely manner. Then one day Ogre sent the beauteous Dianne the list of July and August selections, claiming this would speed things up. The lovely Dianne was thrilled...finally her reviewers could actually get the books reviewed on time (since this is supposed to be EARLY reviews).

Days passed, weeks passed, years seemed to have passed, e-mails sent, succinct little missives inquiring as to what had befallen the wonderful books we were all awaiting to review. Finally July passed...Dianne sent one more e-mail. And Low... she beheld a miracle.*insert a brief thought of Dianne in a dead faint here* A reply was sent to her inquiry! *doing happy Snoopy dance that the wait was behind up.

That was 2 frickin' weeks ago...it is now August 5th. I sent another memo on Monday, once AGAIN explaining that the books haven't arrived. I've also yet again explained that once I get the books I have to repack them and send them to the reviewers. *sigh* no reply from the Horrid and Nasty book- hating Ogre.

This is not rocket science!

What will the Horrible and Nasty Ogre have in store for our Lovely and Fair Goddess Dianne next month?

1 comment:

JC Coy said...

That's as bad as the publisher (who will not be named)...who's held up my ms for SIX months now.

Good luck making progress what that guy, but don't hold your breath. It could be fatal.